September 17, 2012
This day has to be the most off day that has ever occurred.... I try and I try and my car is always bringing me down with the rain. My backseat drivers side window keeps falling and it has been raining all weekend. It likes to fall at all the right moments, you know when IMO at work or while I'm sleeping, so my seats and floor boards can get as wet as possible. Now my car smells like wet dog every time I get in and I'm pretty sure its gonna start to mold. I also left my backpack at home today in a hurry to get out the door because I DID NOT want to get up this morning. Working alllllll weekend getting up at 5:30 am is not the funnest way to spend your days off from school, I'm so exhausted I don't even want to have to deal with homework and getting ready for all my upcoming responsibilities that start in 249 days exactly. "sighhh" My back is killing me but i don't want to keep complaining all it is going to do is bring me down more and I don't want to think about how much worse it can get right now.
I finally got to skype with my ginger this weekend, it was only like 15 min but it was totally worth it. To see is face and to hear his voice just made me want him that much more, he is all that I could ask for in this life. He told me he wants to go into the military though which of course he does, I mean he goes to an all boys military boarding school in Virgina. He has been training for this for years, but If he goes into the military that is just gonna be more time I'm going to have to wait to be with him. I am not really a fan of waiting and not being able to see the one I want whenever I feel like it, but I suppose I am supposed to say " He is worth the wait and I will wait for him" . But that is really hard for me I have wants and needs and they need to be taken care of. I know I'm only a senior in high school and I will have plenty of time for forever, but i will miss him and worry about him soooooo muuuucccchhh that it will drive me insane. I will have to handle it though because I really do love him, I mean he is the dream; ginger, firefighter, military, sexy, sexy in a uniform, sweet, kind, caring, and did i mention sexy, and on top of all of that he loves me which is absolutely WONDERFUL!!! Hopefully my emotions don't get the best of me and I ruin this really good thing.
September 14, 2012
Sorry it has been a while since my last post, I have been so busy with everything I feel as if my head might explode, hopefully that won't happen though. My lower back is killing me today, it's screaming at me asking; why? why would you do this to me? well back i really don't know why maybe one day my idiot doctor will fix you and we can both move on together. I find myself sadder than usual I wish I could find something that made me OK with how things are right now. I am just moving with the crowd everyday, the same thing everyday never changing, never growing. I'm hoping I can find some fun this weekend even though I have to work all weekend I still have the night to party. I need to liven up my life, It has gotten dull and meaningless. I need to feel alive, I need to feel my heart beating and my blood rushing. I don't want grounded or mute, I want loud and intense, something that will carry on in my head for years to come. I want an event that I will look back on and say " I wish I could go back and live that night again because it was awesome" . But I'm not sure I'll find that this weekend.
I'm finding myself listening to this song over and over on my Pandora; Come Together by The Beatles. I love this song , it has this best beat and smoothness I have ever heard. The Beatles are definitely legend in my book. I've been listening to a lot of oldies recently such as ; The Foreigner, led zeppelin, And Boston. They seem to calm me especially when I am trying to sleep which for myself seems to be getting harder and harder to accomplish. I have so many things in my head from college which is coming up very fast, and trying to keep my grades up so I can get into a good college so my mother will be proud of me, and so I can finally get out of her house. She is on a diet right now and when you take caffeine, carbs, and sweetness away from my mother she becomes the worst person to be around. I swear without those things she goes absolutely nuts, it's like sane mom goes right out the window and super crazy starving mom attacks everyone in the house and eats our faces for dinner, then complains about how many calories it was. If my mother could some how lose weight with out this awful torcher for myself that would be wonderful but I guess the upside is knowing that it won't last forever. WELLLLLL I hope everyone has a good day and hopefully life will turn i warm cheek to me and I will be able to party this weekend.
